I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
