just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
