Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
