How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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