sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
