Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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