after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
