I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
