do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize