i jhust puked up my retainher.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
