My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
