Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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