yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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