It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Let's get the cat blown out
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
