Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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