Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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