The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
