i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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