"it" just moved
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
