I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
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