When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
