Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
