party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so let's talk penis.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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