i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
