dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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