I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
