just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
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Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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