I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My vagina is officially offended.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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