Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
