dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
