i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
