Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
