Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
