If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
