I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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