I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So apparently I’m into choking now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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