My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
