so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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