That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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