the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
