She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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