Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
