Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize