I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
