I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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