New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
