im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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