Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
