Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
