do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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