he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
