Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
