i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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