Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
