it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I can't turn off my feet"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
