Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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