hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
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Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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