I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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