Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
