i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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