He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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