Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
