As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I intend to get homeless drunk
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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