Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
