Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
