he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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