you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
