areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
