I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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