I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
