I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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