i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She even gives head with a lisp.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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