my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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