I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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