i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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