Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
