Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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