the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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