How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
