Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
