He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
