fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
