No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
